Preliminary Results.

Nicola had her MRI today. The Oncologists in Brisbane ordered a CT scan of her chest as well while she was under the general anaesthetic.

The results were available very very quickly.

There is very little doubt that it is cancer. The only thing now is that they are unsure of the exact type of cancer. The primary (extremely large) mass in her pelvis is either stemming from, or impacting on, one of the main support muscles next to her spine. Because it could be stemming from muscle they believe it could be a rhabdomyosarcoma, but, because the mass is also located on the left side of the body and impeding her bladder and her bladder function, they believe there is also a possibility of it being a neuroblastoma.

The CT scan showed that in addition to the vascular tissue around her gall bladder and inferior to her liver, she also has clusters of 'sub tumours' in her lungs.

We have flights booked to leave for Brisbane first thing in the morning. The only reason she is not on a plane tonight is because it is too soon after her anaesthetic this afternoon for her to fly.

The team of oncologists are waiting, having reviewed the scans and images, and once we arrive they will talk about a battle plan.

Our one saving grace at the moment, touch wood, seems to be that the primary mass does not seem to be impeded by any major arteries or veins or anything, so it should be largely operable... but again, we won't know any more until we talk to the experts tomorrow.

I have pretty much stopped answering my phone, I can't talk to people at the moment, I am barely able to talk to family and friends. I have seen such an outpouring of love for Nicola in the last 24 hours, it has made me realise how truly lucky we are to have people to support us, to love us and pray for us while we go through this.

To say we are gutted is an understatement. Today I saw my husband cry. Not just a single tear, but great wracking sobs of a man who's heart was breaking. I have never seen that before. I have never seen him display so much raw emotion.

Everything at the moment feels so unbelievably scary. I keep trying to tell myself that this is just another bump in what is going to be the very very long road of Nicola's life, but then little thoughts creep in. Niggling little thoughts that worm their way into my mind, and then I start to cry all over again.

This is my baby.

How are we going to get through this one?