Nude

 

Cardi- Topshop . T-shirt - Illustrated people . Boots- Topshop

Ola Friends,

I know this may not seem like a practical outfit choice just before we hit October but the weather is doing funny things here and i plan on taking full advantage of it!

I'm not usually a fan of slogan t-shirts but I'm going to give this illustrated people's one a chance because its cute and i think it deserves one. (its also really comfortable and great for throwing on over anything)

I can tell already this cable knit cardi is going to be a winter wardrobe stable. I only tend to introduce a few colours to my wardrobe each season and this time i think burgundy will definitely be one of them! (possibly a bit of blue and mustard yellow too).

And i have got to say, although its only been a week, I'm SO glad to be back dressing like a scruffy student again. The whole office attire thing was a nice change for a while but getting dressed for uni is way more fun.

Hope you've all been having a nice week, roll on friday tomorrow! i sense some beer garden action in the up and coming days.

Nic

xxxx

Pretty Jumper Dress

Dress- ASOS . Kimono - Topshop . Belt - Warehouse . Bag - H&M(gift) . Shoes- Topshop .

Hi guys,

 i don't know why i haven't showed you this jumper dress yet, i got it a week or two ago and have discovered it goes with evvverrryythiiing! I wore it firstly on a night out just on its own with some court shoes and a statement necklace, then again a few days later to work over some jeans, and then to uni with some leather leggings and this kimono and NOW like this on this sunny evening!

So i went onto asos to find the link for you guys because i think you all need one in your lives right now and they've done it again! i dont know why they keep doing this to me, but they have a flash sale, it ends in 48 hours and im not paid yet!!! aaaaaaaaaahh. Im going to have to think of a master plan to resolve this issue, leave it with me.

Also, its not my fault and i cant help it but I love this song just now...

oooh ooooh ooooh Mick Jagger.

I love Mick Jagger.

Nic
xxxxx

Topshop Unique

Wow, it was really hard to just pick a few so here are some of my favourite pieces from Topshop Unique for spring summer 2012.

I'm absolutely loving the Cleopatra Egyptian vibe that runs through the whole collection, It almost tricked me into thinking that we're skipping winter and heading straight for some Summer pyramid sun. Unfortunately this is not the case, the sad reality was brought back to my attention as mid day dream, i gazed out the window of the Uni library to see it pissing with rain... :( booo.

Oh well, lets invest in some new Autumn pieces and possibly some rain hoods (i'd opt for this one over this one) and embrace the rain because at least the plants are getting watered!

Nic
xxxxx

Except Nicola...

Except Nicola...


This seems to be a recurring theme in my life...  there are so many things, so many trivial little things that happen...  and they just point out again again the difference between Nicola and her siblings.


Today I spent time doing all the girls hair, pig tails, pony tails, clips, bands, etc...  that is, all except Nicola.  Her hair is too fragile to be tied up.


We all sat on the floor with Alyssa...  that is, all except Nicola.  She doesn't sit on her own and had to be in her chair.


We all shared some hot chips for lunch...  that is, all except Nicola.  She doesn't eat.


Tonight I managed to cuddle all of my children to sleep...  that is, all except Nicola.  She doesn't like being held and only sleeps in her own bed.


Now, I sit here knowing that they are all sleeping peacefully...  that is, all except Nicola.  She is wracked with pain tonight and not settling well at all.


One by one they don't amount to much at all, but after a hundred little reminders every day, it gets frustrating.  Even something as simple as meal times.  Because I make all the food for the girls, I defrost a container of baby food every night for their dinner.  I make sure it's warm, add a splash of extra water and grab a spoon for Alyssa...  then I have to get a tube and a syringe for Nicola because she can't eat.  


I know that I should be grateful for the fact that she is healthy and relatively happy and she is doing well, all things considered...  but it is so hard seeing her so far behind her sisters, and they are growing more and more aware of the things that she cannot do, especially Jessica.


Last term, at school, I took Misty in for Jessica to use for show and share, so I had to sit through prayer, at which Jessica was prayer leader.  (So proud of my baby girl!!).   I sat and listened as their teacher read the story of Jesus healing the lepers...  and Jessica waited through the whole story with such a contemplative expression...  then she jumped up and ran over to me and gave me a big hug and she said "Mummy, all my friends little sisters can run around and play with them...  all except Nicola."


I nearly cried.


But then she turned around to me and said "It's ok Mummy.  I am going to pray extra hard today and I just know that if I pray extra hard Jesus will make Nicola better, just like he did for the lepers, so she can come and play with us like all my friends little sisters."


How can you respond to that?  How can you possibly formulate any kind of a response?


I long for the day that excepting Nicola will no longer be something that we do...  because when we sit on the floor and play, she will sit beside us.  When the girls run around and race, she will run with them.  When I get out dinner, she will eat with us.  


I know that that day will come...  I just wish it would come a whole lot sooner.


Is it wrong that I wish she was 'better' and able to participate more with her sisters?


Does that mean that I don't accept her for who she is?


*sigh


I really hope not.  


:(

Alexander Wang - S/S 2012

AHHHHhhh, I'm in my elephant (element).

I've had so much reading to catch up on in the fashion world this week after being away on Holiday, especially with New York Fashion week going on and the first show i wanted to make a pit stop at was Wang Spring Summer 2012.Wow! he never seems to disappoint.

I love the whole aerodynamic racer vibe to the collection, he even makes using a racing helmet as an accessory look chic. The mesh pocket detail adds the same kind of sport luxe sense to the more simplistic pieces to keep their sophistication but with a more understated twist.

Oh and the Wang shoes, amaaazing.
He's definitely hit the nail on the head and carried on the sport luxe them from his previous collections to a whole different dimension.

I NEED ME SOME WANG SHOES, A RACING HELMET AND SOME MESH TROUSERS. asap.

Nic

xxxxx

If Life Were A Movie...

If life were a Hollywood movie, how much would things change?  I sure as heck wouldn't look like me...  women like me don't get cast in leading roles, so I would inevitably be skinny and gorgeous and probably blonde as well.  I would have a lovely clean house with matching furniture and a nice green landscaped garden. Oh and I would have a dishwasher!  I would have a nice shiny car and a healthy bank balance and I would be able to sing from the hill tops because I would be so happy and everything would be so wonderful...  and there would always be a happy ending...

Yes, if my life were a Hollywood movie I would not have to deal with watching my child suffer and struggle through life every day.  

This is my life, my every moment of my every day.  This is my daughter, and this is her reality, and her reality is my heartbreak.

I have blogged previously about the loss of dreams that come with having a child who has special needs...  Some days I still struggle with the fact that my child will not have a 'normal' life...  but then, it occurred to me...  I will inevitably have to take that one step further...  I will have to live through every parents worst nightmare.

When you have a child it is unfathomable that your child will die before you.  It is not the natural order of things and it just simply isn't intended to be done that way.

But it doesn't matter how long Nicola lives, how healthy we keep her, how much medical intervention we can achieve...  it doesn't matter what we do, the simple fact of the matter is that one day, perhaps not tomorrow or next week, or even next year...  but one day, I will have to bury my child.

Now some people are going to be shocked by that, or get upset with me, or perhaps even get offended...  but please don't.  

You see, it is an inevitable outcome for us, and I realise that now...  I can't change it...  I might be able to delay it, but I can't change it...  and while I'm not ok with it - and I never will be ok with it, knowing that one day it will happen gives me the determination to live for today.

So that is what I do...  I live for today.  I play with my children, I make them laugh, I tickle them and cuddle them and read them stories...  I create memories, not only for myself, but for my family...   I put on a brave face, I hide my tears and I move on. 

But all the while, despite the laughter and the happiness, now I cannot forget...  and it's the not being able to forget that is killing me the most.  I haven't been able to find a way to deal with this emotion, with this fear, with this grief...  

The thing I find the hardest is that it is a feeling that isolates me and again sets me even further aside from my friends and family who just don't get it, who don't understand what my future holds.  

How do you cope with something that no one else will talk about?  That no one else can see or understand?

What is there to do other than anything that is within my power?

My dishes may not be done, my house is a mish mash of mismatched bits and pieces, my bank account balance is less than zero...  but every night my children go to bed happy...  we take photos, we paint pictures, we write stories, we create memories every day...  memories that will, hopefully, last a life time.  

We cherish every moment and live for what is right here and right now.  Bring on the rainy day so we can go dance.

"Any good that you can do, do it now.  Do not delay or forestall it, for you will not pass this way again."

 

Cut out Collar

shirt- republic . shorts- topshop . shoes - topshop unique . bag - zara

I've wanted a cut out collar shirt for a little while now but couldn't find one i liked for ages and was even considering trying out a little DIY stint but chickened out in the end.

BUT THEN when i was going into every shop imaginable in a last minute attempt to try and get some holidays clothes i stumbled across this navy and black number in Republic of all places. so instead of coming out with some practical holiday clothing i came out with this :) come to think of it i don't think i came away with anything remotely summery that day! 

I also thought i would showcase my new "uni bag"- its going to help me learn by carrying my folders for me. It was also amazing at storing some excess luggage at the airport when our suitcase was 3kg over the limit! So practical and beautiful at the same time, definitely my new favourite.

Happy Sunday everyone! Hope you've all had a nice day.

Nic

xxxx

Holidays

Hi everyone! That's me back from our weeks holiday in the Algarve in Portugal. It was such a good time with amazing weather and so many fun memories.

We spent most of our days either at the beach, wondering the town or by the pool and just generally relaxing. We did a boat trip one day to visit the caves and have a BBQ on the beach but the boat wasn't maybe the best of ideas after going out the night before... there was some serious sea sickness going on!

We spent most nights on the balcony at the hotel having cocktails and listening to music and then heading out for dinner and drinks.

Coming back to the cold weather was a bit crap but I've missed blogging and have a new shirt i need to show you all tomorrow :)

Hope you're all having a good weekend.

Nic
xxxx

My Wish List

The things I want...


I joke almost every day about the things I want...  I want a million dollars, I want an extravagant holiday, I want  a big house, I want new furniture, I want a new car, I want a cook, I want a cleaner...  I want a lot of things in my flights of fancy...  


But in my heart, I only want a few.


I want a good camera - to be able to record the moments as they happen, to make the memories that in years to come we will look back on and smile, remembering the happiness and love in each and every moment.


I want a holiday - not an extravagant expensive overseas venture, but a nice family holiday...  something to show my other children that we can be like other families, that we can go away and do normal things, that our lives don't revolve around the hospital and a never ending barrage of medical and therapy appointments.


I want $4186 - to be able to pay for and bring home a Kidwalk for Nicola to try and get her learning to walk.  We put her in one at therapy to trial it and she took two steps...  which was the proudest mumma moment of my life!  We have so far paid close to $1800 on it, but there is $4186 to go before we can take it home and actually use it.


And that's it.


In the immediate here and now, if I was granted three wishes tomorrow, those are the three things that I would ask for.  


Is it really asking for too much??

Flares!



Trousers- Topshop . top- AllSaints . Bag - Topshop .



Its taken me a good 5 years but i think i can finally say that im getting sick of skinny jeans.... :o

SO i have invested in my first pair of flares of the season. I was kind of apprehensive to start with because they are slightly reminiscent of some of the trousers i used to wear when i was younger back in the Tammy Girl days.... but actually, I'm totally loving them!

They've only had one outing so far for some last minute holiday purchases this morning but they will definitely be making more appearances in the very near future.

Right, Im off to go and exchange some euros for holidays now, so so very exciting! I will get some lovely snaps of Portugal to share with you all don't worry :)

Nic

xxxx

Happy 3rd Birthday Princess Nicola!!!

Sitting here, it is so very very difficult to believe that my beautiful baby is three years old. It is hard to believe that we have been fighting this fight for three years, and that she has survived the insurmountable odds that have stacked up against her.

The pride I feel now when I look at her is unbelievable. It surpasses anything that I ever thought was possible. Right from the very beginning she has made it very clear that she would do things her way, in her own time, when she was good and ready... and if that doesn't suit the rest of the world, then that's just too darn bad.

She has proved that she is strong and brave and smarter than people give her credit for... and that she is capable of miracles.

I have thought all day about what I was going to say in this blog entry, and I was going to do something big and deep and meaningful telling you who much I love her and how special and wonderful she is and how amazing etc...

And now that it's time to write it, it has occurred to me that I don't need to say any of that... because anyone who knows me knows how much I love my daughter, how special and wonderful she is and how amazing she is...

So I am just going to say this...

Nicola, you have turned my life upside down, inside out and back to front. You have taught me fear that I didn't know was possible, determination I didn't know I had... you have brought out a sense of humor that is almost macabre at times, and you have pushed my sanity to limits I didn't know existed...

But despite all that, I love you.

I love seeing the way you interact with the world, the way your face lights up with delight when you see something that pleases you, the way you communicate to tell us what you want. I love seeing the little things you do that surprise us every day... like today when you said 'cake'.

I love sharing every achievement you make with you, I love being there, watching you grow and learn, and watching the self awareness grow within you.

You drive me to the very limits of insanity, you reduce me to tears, you make me utterly crazy with frustration, but every second I get to spend with you is worth it.

I have been blessed to have you in my life and I hope that that blessing will be very long lived.

You are my heart, my soul, and my world. You, baby girl, are my everything!

Happy Birthday Sweet Princess.

Athletic Leather

Shorts- H&M . Jumper- AllSaints . Shoes- Topshop. Scarf- H&M

I am in LOVE with these leather shorts I got from H&M the other day (yes, another pair!). I wore them out last night for a little outing and so many people were asking if they were real athletic/ running shorts that I just gave up and started saying yes! It seemed the easier option.

I know summer’s over but I can totally see me tighting them up and wearing them right into winter with some chunky cardigans and big boots, so definitely a good investment piece!

BUT less speak of winter because today me and my boyfriend booked a holiday to Portugal. We leave this Thursday. Yaayyyy! One last chance to dress for summer and soak up some sun until I come back here and crack on with my fourth year of uni (by which point it will probably be snowing….)

Hope you all had a good weekend!

Nic

xxxx