A Few More Hours...

Christmas has come and gone...  It just didn't seem real, it didn't seem right.  

Christmas eve was hard.  Normally I would have you sitting up with me while I wrapped the presents from Santa.   I would curse while trying to wrap awkwardly shaped gifts, and you would laugh your little laugh and try and wrap your self...

Yet this year, Christmas eve, there was a gaping silence that should have been filled by you, and it hurt.

It hurt so, so, so very much, and it just wasn't right.

Christmas Day...  well...  we went through the motions.  We got up, we opened presents, we laughed, we had breakfast, we had lunch, we watched the girls play with their toys, but all the while I was acutely aware that you were not here.

That was probably exacerbated by the fact that a family member bought The Wiggles Christmas CD up and spent most of the day demanding that we listen to it.  As lucky as he was that the fry pan was actually in use so I couldn't hit him upside the head with it (and I know how much that would have made you laugh!) it hurt to have constant reminders around about how much of a gap you have left in our lives.

Now it is New Years Eve...

In less than two hours it will be 2013...

And to be honest, that thought just utterly terrifies me.

It shouldn't, I know that...  God knows, this year has been hell on Earth.  There have been some highlights, like the amazing friends we have had come into our lives, and the incredible trip to Disneyland, seeing the snow and the excitement on your face as you tobogganed down the slopes with your Daddy and all the other things that we did together as a family...  

But this year we also said goodbye to Baby Krist before we got a chance to really meet him.  We watched as you endured one horrible chemo session after another, as your pain intensified and your body weakened, as the horrible cancer took it's toll on your body...  and we watched as you faded away before us.  We said goodbye to you...  

And that was single handedly the worst thing I have ever endured in my life.  

But, still, at least for most of 2012 I had you here.  Even with the chemo and the pain and the suffering and everything else, I had you here.  I could hold you, I could cuddle you, I could talk to you...  but now you're gone.

And that is why the thought of facing 2013 is so painful.

The thought of a whole year without you in my life is just horrific. 

The fact that it is the first of many just fills my heart with so much hurt.  

2013 is going to be bringing change...  and I don't want to face that.

But regardless of whether I want to face it or not, it is coming... in just a matter of hours.

And, just like everything else that has happened in the last 12 months, I can't stop it.  I can't change it.  Whether I want to or not, I have to accept it...

In a way, it feels like I am saying goodbye all over again...  


And I don't like that...

Not one little bit.

Missguided

Jacket- c/o Missguided. Shorts.c/o Missguided. Top-c/o Lavish Alice. Bag- c/o MarcB. Shoes- c/o Choies. 

Shop the look:

Shorts- c/o Missguided. Top- c/o Lavish Alice. Shoes- Converse. Bag- ASOS. 

Shop the look: 

Hello everyone, I hope you all had an amazing Christmas! We had an orphans day at one of my friend's houses in Melbourne with lots of food, drinks, sun, moustaches and some really bad singing to all the best Christmas songs.

Here are a few of my favourite items from Missguided just now. They have so many cool jackets just now and their shorts fit really well so I have a few more on my wish list! I'm so glad that they deliver to aus :)

Ive been wearing this lace crop from Lavish Alice quite a lot recently too, its great for layering or wearing on those super hot days over a bikini. They have lots of pretty things on their website right now too so be sure to check it out :)

Happy Thursday guys!

Nic
xxxx

August Street

Dress- c/o August Street at LoveOfEos. Gilet- Cotton. Bag- ASOS. Shoes- Choies.

Heyy Guys,

How pretty is this dress by August Street at LoveOfEos? I love the tapestry/baroque print and how lightweight and elegantly the fabric sits. Im really into shift dresses right now, especially the athletic side cut of this one. I've belted this one up so that it sits on me better as Im a little bit on the petite side but it looks cool unbelted too with a pair of heels!

Im starting to really look forward to Christmas now! Only 6 more days to go :) I just hope my cards and presents make it back to the UK on time.. the lady in the post office said no but I think she was just being a bit of a pessimist!

Happy Tuesday everyone :)

Nic

xxx

Aztec Sleeves

Jacket- c/oMaryJaneFashion. Top- c/o Loveofeos. Shorts-c/o Missguided. Bag- ASOS. Shoes-c/o Choies. 

Hey Everyone,

Hope you've all had a good weekend. Mine generally consisted of wearing this jacket whenever I possibly could even though it wasn't jacket appropriate weather, it just makes me feel all Christmassy! I hadn't actually heard of MaryJaneFashion before I received this jacket but Im glad Ive been introduced to them now, they have some really cool pieces ! Check out their site here.

These shorts from Missguided are my go-to shorts just now, I love them! Id been looking for a pair of high waisted dark distressed denim shorts for ages and these are perfect. They fit so well and are really reasonably priced too, Im going to have to stock up on some more styles for summer :).

AND last but not least the fashion company that I work as a stylist for have now officially launched their website, They are called The Wild One and you can find them heeeere :) and the good news is they ship worldwide! Happy shopping.

Nic

xxx

Shearling and Cobalt

Sleeveless Shearling Jacket- c/o Topshop. T-shirt- Topshop  Leigh Jeans- Topshop. Shoes- ZARA. Bag- ASOS. Sunglasses- ZeroUV

Hey Guys,

I've been dying to show you this shearling sleeveless jacket I picked out from Topshop the other week, I wear it aaall the time! Its great for just throwing on when the weathers feeling a bit changeable for some extra warmth or for layering over jumpers in slightly colder conditions.

I'm wearing my Topshop Leigh jeans agaaaain, I love wearing these guys so much. I am yet to find a comfier or better fitting pair of jeans, I think i'm on my third pair!

I really like the effect that cobalt blue has on a black outfit, its always so striking and just gives an outfit a bit of a pop :)

Hope you've all been having a good week, I cant believe how close we are to Christmas  It just seems to sneak up on you here in Australia!

Nic

xxx

Wine Tie Dye Maxi Dress

Dress- c/o inlovewithfashion. Necklace- Topshop. Shoes- ASOS. Bag- ASOS.

Hello Everyone,

How amazing is this maxi from In Love with Fashion? I love how the grape/wine tones give it a bit of a wintery look but at the same time this dress would look great in summer. Love currently stock this maxi in three different cuts which are all equally amazing so you should definitely check them out!

Im also in love with these ASOS Salute wedges too, they're the closest I can get to the Alexander Wang Danica shoes right now, and the thin wedge at the back makes them super comfy.

The fashion company I'm styling for just now are officially launching their website tomorrow at 12pm Australia time which is very exciting! It will be a busy busy day but I cant wait for it :) I will of course dedicate a blog post to some of the behind the scenes action and link you guys back to their site, luckily for everyone in the UK they do international shipping too!

 And one more thing! Love are offering readers of Nicola Claire 25% off full priced items until 1/1/13 with the code: NKIRKBRIDE25. Happy Christmas Shopping everyone!

Nic
xxx

Moto Western Shirt

 

Shirt- c/o Topshop. Vest- Topshop. Shorts c/o - Topshop. Bag- c/o MarcB. Shoes- c/o Choies. Sunglasses-c/o ZeroUV 

Hey guys! I hope youve all been having a nice weekend.

 

 Im absolutely loving this studded Western shirt that I received in the post the other week courtesy of Topshop, I saw it in their Autumn Winter look book and have been after it ever since!  Ive been wearing it far too much but I just cant help it! There are so many good things in our Melbourne Topshop store right now, I just want to go on a crazy spree every time I go in.

 

I cant believe how light my hair has gotten just from the sun, its crazy how strong it is in Australia -on sunny days you really feel the heat!

 

I seem to have developed a bit of a uniform these days which includes these amaaaazing shoes from Choies and this tote from Marc B. I do love a good staple item!

 

 

Happy Saturday :)

 

Nic

xxx

 

Burgundy and Black

Jumper-c/o Missguided. Disco Pants- c/o Topshop. Bag- c/o Marc B. Shoes- Zomp. Hat- Cotton On.

Hey Everyone,

Hope you've been having a lovely festive week! I always love a bit of Burgundy during the festive season and have been throwing on this waffle knit number from Missguided a lot lately! I love their stuff, so on trend and so reasonably priced! They are definitely one of my go-to brands at the moment!

I also needed to show you Topshop's take on the infamous Disco Pant, Ive always been a bit apprehensive of tributes of "the real deal" but I trust Topshop whole heartily so I knew investing in these wouldnt be a mistake and I wasnt wrong!

Many more pretty things up and coming on the blog this month :) Plus I will be able to send you the web link to the brand i've been styling for very very soon...keep your peekers peeled!

Nic

xxx

I thought of you today...

I thought of you today...

I know I think of you every day, but today it just seems that you've been especially on my mind.

Yesterday was hard.  We went to the Camp Quality Mad Hatters Tea Party...  and I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't suspect it to slap me in the face quite as hard as it did.

They have a puppet that looks just like you.  The puppet sat next to me talking to the girls...  and all I could think of was you.

It was so hard not to cry and run away.

And today...

I don't know what it is...  I think today is just a day that you've been on all our minds.

Isabella has been asking lots of questions about you.  She keeps telling me that she knows that she has you inside her heart, but she wants you on the outside as well.

Every time she says it I feel another stab of pain in my heart, because I know that I want you on the outside too.

Everything now seems to remind me of you.

We set our Christmas tree up yesterday.  We had contemplated getting another one, and then I realised that the tree we have now is the only tree you have ever seen.

We bought it the first Christmas we had you in our lives.  It has been decorated every year with so much love.  Even now, I look at it and it makes my heart hurt for you.

We still have the same tinsel that you loved running your fingers through.  You laughed so much every time you touched it.  It was so tickly on your little hands and fingers.

We got rid of a lot of the decorations that we used to have...  but if I had known that we would no longer have you, I would have kept them.  There were so many memories...  but now, looking at my tree...

There is a crown that was given to us to hang on our tree as a reminder of the princess that you were.

A cupcake, to remind us of how much you loved your food, especially your cakes.

Birds, for your freedom and your love of music.

A beautiful bauble that we bought back from Disneyland...  to remind us of our happiest days on Earth...

It is a tree that has seen better days...  it is slowly falling apart, branch by branch...  and it has seen more than it's $25 share of life...  

But it is a tree that is so full of love.

Everything in our lives seems to be filled with so much love...  just not with you.

And we miss you.

So very much it hurts.